Today, January 16th. James ate his first big boy meal

I promised myself i wouldnt miss anything, none of the " firsts " for James's first year being in our lives. Today he ate a banana, it was so cute watching him discover something new,  I originally wanted to give him a avocado buuuuut..... I didnt want to walk to the store, so thats next weeks food. Ah, so blessed. 

damn high school.

Damn high school. I never liked it. Back in the day it just seemed alot easier and smarter to just skip that day and go back " tomorrow". Why did it not cross my mind that eventually i'd have to go back and do it all over again with double the stress ? Last week my online school teacher asked me if i would be interested in public speaking and i said i'd have to think about it, Today i told him i had to pass and maybe in my future i will. I'm still in grade 10.. I should be graduating this year.. If i just went to class when i should have, i wouldnt be so far behind.. Its not a kid holding me back, its my stupidity from my earlier teenage years. I have to make things right for not only myself but for James, What kind of a example would i be if i dont finish ? What kind of future would we have ? How would i ever be independent ? I wont be a statistic.

Too much for too little of info... Teen pregnancy

I have such mixed emotions about teen pregnancys. Since i am only 17 and a mother, but i wouldnt wish this on anyone else UNLESS they were ready. I sure wasn't, but i made myself.. I no at least 6 - 7 teens pregnant right now, and  the numbers keep growing .. WHY ? i dont understad how , yes i get it s e x. I got pregnant from antibiotics making my birth control not work, i had no idea that would happen. I have some friends saying how they want children and i cant help but think are you out of your fucking mind ? I love being a mom, dont get me wrong, its the best feeling in the world but i had such big dreams and things i wanted to do before i settled down. I didnt want a serious relationship yet, but i am happy it with my boyfriend. Its almost our 2 years, and still going strong. Hes an amazing father and i look forward to building our future together. Being a mom is not what its like on tv.. The cameras dont show the bills and how they add up, the constant attention the baby needs, how the mom never has time for herself, they make it look so much fun, so easy and if you think it is, your mistaken. If your one of those girls who are scared to lose your boyfriend so you purposely get pregnant ? YOU WILL LOSE HIM, and lose yourself.

Mine and Bill's relationship is inside out, its completely different. We use to be just one big party, never faught unless i was doing drugs and he found out.. ( He is the reason why i cleaned myself up )
and now , we fight.. alot because of how stressed we are about everything. We use to live so easy but at the time seemed so hard, but now .. it is a struggle.

ON THAT NOTE.
Teen pregnancy needs to be talked about more, there needs to be more resources.

I wont be just another statistic.

Sick baby

Ever since my son James was just under a month old, he would sleep threw the night. I got lucky, but now my
" little " booboo is sick, oh yes .. very sick. Coughing, has a mild fever but still feels cold, sneezing, wont eat much and the worse.. he wont sleep for longer then 20 min at a time ! Of course, I am getting sick now from this lack of sleep, but today was the light at the end of the tunnel. Hes sleeping, still coughing but the fever is fading and he is getting better. THANK GOODNESS. I've come to realize that sick babies are not fun babies.

Family

" You can choose your friends, but not your family "

Last night James and I went to a Christmas dinner on Seans side ( my father, but he really doesn't deserve that title ) ever since i was a child i never felt like belonged there, or that i was a burden  but last night proved to me that i was, i always have been. How dare anyone say what i do with my son is wrong and that i am a bad mother and should not aim my goals too high and be unrealistic. I no its going to be hard and what is success without struggle.  On that note James is getting huge he's almost 20lbs and is in 12 month clothing, hes only 4 months and a couple weeks... Whenever i see newborns it makes me want another one just so i can have a NEWBORN not a INFANT, haha justkiddddding give or take a bunch of years.

The year of 2011.

The year of 2011, where has the time gone ? It feels like the more i don't want to grow up and go back in time for when i was a child it speeds up. New years 2011 i found out i was pregnant. It wasn't because me and my boyfriend weren't using protection, the fact i was on antibiotics and birth control.. makes it not work .. Thank you dr for the heads up ! Over a year has passed since that night and i still remember it perfectly. No tears, no joy no emotion. It was what it was. Time sure sped up quickly after that..